Taking responsibility

Somebody on a forum I subscribe to, was asking advice about a very difficult situation.

They'd offered shelter to someone with whom they'd started a sexual relationship, who had been going through a difficult time, only to find that the recipient of their generosity simply settled in and did nothing at all to change the situation.

Lots of people gave lots of advice, and almost everybody focused on the squatter. My suggestion included:

I think the best thing you can do is to put aside (if only temporarily) everything that anyone, including yourself, has said about your High maintainance resident.

Focus on everything that has been said about YOU by others on this forum.
Think about YOUR contribution to this fine mess you've got yourself into, talk or write about what YOU are getting from your investment.

The individual is not in any way responsible for what you feel, what you suffer, what you complain about, nor any single thing that you are timid, angry, frustrated, pissed off, scared or anxious about!

Each person is responsible for hirself, their own choices. You collude with hir for your own purpose and to meet your own needs. Telling us anything more than headlines about what they do, is just a way of not telling yourself the deeper truths about what you are getting by continuing to play the Game!

I think C's suggestion is excellent; reframe everything. Accept the individual for what they are but on your terms. Think of them as an employee, offering you a service. Give them notice, two weeks or 22 shags, whatever it may be. Enjoy their company as much as appropriate, pay them off, give him a bonus for any extra boners, and move on.

Remember, assuming adulthood starts at 18 (?) you've been a grown-up almost three times longer than they have!

I got a very terse reply!

go well!