Things to discuss before getting married!

There are matters requiring the emotional intelligence that can be generated with Consideration, Respect, Attentiveness, Fairness, Time and a Yearning for courage, responsiveness, assertiveness, focus and tenderness.
Intelligent optimism is also desirable.

Intelligent optimism is NOT the avoidance strategy of "Oh, don't worry, I will always love you!" or, "I promise you, everything is going to be OK!" or, "Why do you always wants to think about the negative?" or, "Don't you trust me?".
If one party is resistant and reluctant to engage in discussion on these issues, and the other sees the merits of such discussion, that suggests that a profound difference of attitude, perhaps of beliefs and values, already exists.
If that difference cannot be resolved, expect real problems later on, certainly after the passion wanes, if not long before.
To enable the discussion to flow well, it can be useful to agree ways to structure the process.
To give just one example, each person speaks without interruption for a set amount of time. Then the partner can ask questions - then swap, and so on.

Relationship experts suggest that couples explore the following - and I strongly reccommend that each person puts their thoughts in writing before you start the in-depth debate.

1. How important is it for each of us to become a parent?
2. How will we share the responsibilities, chores and burdens of parenthood?
3. How clear are we about each other’s financial obligations and goals?
4. In what do our ideas about spending and saving mesh or clash?
5. What are our respective expectations for maintaining the household?
6. How will we decide and maintain managing the chores?
7. What do we need to know and to share about our physical and mental health histories?
8. What does each of us want, need and expect in terms of displays of affection?
9. What inhibits either of us from comfortably and openly discuss our sexual needs, preferences and fears?
10. Will there be a television in the bedroom?
11. Do we truly listen to each other and fairly consider one another’s ideas and complaints?
12. How clear is our mutual and respective understanding of our spiritual beliefs and needs?
13. What have we agreed about our children exposure to religious/moral education?
14. How do we feel about other’s friends?
15. How do we feel about each other’s parents?
16. What, if any, concerns do we have about our parents interfering in the relationship?
17. If they do, what might prevent us discussing it before it gets out of proportion?
18. What does my family do that annoys you?
19. What might either of us NOT be willing to give up in the marriage?
20. If one of us were to be offered a career opportunity in a location far from the other’s family, are we prepared to move?
21. Does either of us have any doubts about the other’s commitment to the marriage?
22. What do we need to do to ensure that we will survive any challenges we may face?

Sample Contract